Hello. My last week full time and it was a bit slow in some regards. Too much time in the office. We have an inspection coming and that means one thing. Data. Gathering data. How many this, how many that. Examples of this, examples of that. I’m glad I’m not a manager.
It’s happening. My mum will be living with us within 24 hours. We’ve been doing our best to get ready. A stairlift for the steps outside is being fitted next week. We’ve been shopping to get the room ready, laundry bins, etc. I spoke to a lovely worker from a local team and she is coming on Monday morning to complete an assessment. She reminded me of the emergency duty service if I needed support over the weekend. Tomorrow I will visit London to collect some equipment provided by the London Borough of Enfield and then to collect Jafer and some equipment as he will be staying with us for the six week school holiday. I am looking forward to him being around, he helps out with technical stuff and physical stuff. And my oldest sister and nephew will be visiting tomorrow and she will be staying for a week to help my mum settle in for the first week. The shed is still waiting to be assembled, that will happen in about 10 days time. And I painted a wall in the bathroom, I don’t know if another coat of paint will stop paint peeling off when someone has a long hot shower but we shall see. Really, there may be a damp issue which will cost a lot to fix so am seeing if a coat of paint will suffice.
Finally, I have managed to pay myself back from the treasurers account having paid the insurance bill for the property I have a share of the freehold for. A new bank account is necessary but it may take some organising.
We had a visit from a tree surgeon who trims my neighbours hedges. We had a look at the trees overhanging from our neighbours and I will try and address that with them. And Kirby the surgeon will hopefully be giving me a quote to trim a tree on our bit of the garden and do a professional job on the hedges.
So am I ready? I don’t know what more I can do. Wish me luck. I’ve told my line manager that I’ll be going into work to have a rest. So I’m expecting to be physically active. I might try some strawberry picking with my mum and have a go at making jam. How hard can it be?
Saturday 20 July;
A long day and I’m wide awake at 7. A trip to London to collect aids such as bath chair from my sister’s before heading to south London to collect more items from Jafer’s flat. Home by 5:30 and time for dinner and to assemble a kitchen table. The flat is getting cluttered. Just after 8 my oldest sister and nephew arrive. Great to catch up with them, drink raki and eat wine gums and Turkish delight.
Sunday 21 July;
Another long day. I made shamali and then breakfast and then nipped to shops to get some groceries. I narrowly avoided getting a parking ticket for parking in a loading bay. ‘Its for heavy goods not shopping.’ It’s also a Sunday.
My mum arrived. She’s been in a lot of pain since last night and could barely walk so is in her wheelchair. The skirting boards have taken a bit of a knock and I’m glad adult social care are coming tomorrow as aids and adaptations may be needed sooner rather than later. We had a good day, and started to look at photo albums. The photos are all mixed up, black and white old ones mixed with more recent colour ones.
Monday 22 July;
A long and eventful day. My mum slept ok, woke up at 7:30 am and we managed to get ourselves ready and have breakfast before 10 when the worker from adult social care arrived. She was very helpful and positive but thinking about it, as my mum is likely to be assessed as self funding her care there is less stress on budgets.
My mum is still struggling to walk. At 12 I called 999 and as it was a non urgent call we were advised it could be up to three hours before an ambulance arrived. As it happened three paramedics came after 2 hours and 40 minutes and were lovely and helped my mum into an ambulance, me following in the car while my sister accompanied my mum. We went straight into the A&E assessment ward and waited. And waited. After three or so hours my mum had had enough and was refusing to cooperate and demanding to go home. We persevered and eventually she had an X-ray and they decided to keep her in overnight and she will be seen by physio’s in the morning. An infection has been diagnosed and that may be the cause of her restricted mobility. We’ve provided our numbers and I will be surprised if I’m not back there during the night.
Tuesday 23 July;
I shall stop saying a long day as that seems to be the new norm now. My sister knocked on my door just after 1 and told me the hospital had asked her to stay with mum at the hospital as she was unsettled. So dressed I got, in the car and in less than 10 minutes we’re there. Shall I stay with you? No you go home there’s no point both of us being there and you’ve got work tomorrow. So home I get, just as I get in the door there’s a phone call from my sister. They’re discharging her now. No need to assess her mobility as she’s demonstrated it by demanding to use the toilet and walking to and from. I can’t say I’m that surprised. On the emergency ward were two staff, one of whom was a nurse. When I told them my mum would need support to use the toilet throughout the night the health care assistant asked us to take her to the toilet before we left. In my naivety I thought it was so that she could see how it was done. No. Completely wrong. She just couldn’t be arsed to do anything herself. Which I realised when I called her to see my sister supporting her in the loo. ‘She can use a commode’ she said. ‘Oh no she bloody won’t’ I should have said but I put it more politely. ‘And she’s wearing a pad?’. ‘Yes, but she uses the toilet’. After the experience in the A&E department itself this was a sour end. And I had to go wandering around looking for a cash point because the car parking cost over £10 and didn’t accept card payments and the ticket office was closed.
This morning started wonderfully, I was slow to get up as I took a while to get off to sleep. My mum was in a wonderful mood. Happy to see me in her home. Most of the time she thinks I’m her brother nowadays but that’s ok. The one that went to university in Turkey and came back a teacher. I then found a parking space across the road from the office to add to my sense of joy. No driving around for 15 minutes looking for a free parking space. My first day in a part time role. A new colleague arrived and I helped her settle in until other colleagues arrived.
Home for lunch with my mum, a Cypriot affair with tomatoes, cucumber, cheese, bread, olives and water melon. My mum is eating and drinking better today.
What I’m realising is my mood is affected by my mum. If she’s upset so am I. And yesterday was difficult.
Fish and chips for supper. I had my doubts but she finished her plate of food, only half the normal portion. And she likes blackcurrant squash. And tea with sugar. She will not touch tea without but she nicked my sisters. I appreciate that what she likes today may not be what she likes next year, next week or tomorrow even. And listening to Zeki Muren on Youtube. My musical tastes may change. An artist who was the Turkish Liberace in looks and flamboyance. Never married and never able to self identity as a gay man.
And when I arrived home she was in the garden. It meant going up the stairs, which she could do. It’s going down them that’s the problem. Until the stairlift in installed on Thursday. But getting hot as it was 30 degrees today.
She got agitated to leave to go home after supper and we went out for a drive and parked on the seafront and she told us about her trips to the beach with her dad. She adores her dad. And from what she tells us it was reciprocated. She became more settled and we went back home and she fell asleep in front of the telly. I think she think she’s missing out if she goes to bed while others are awake. She was tired and went to bed at 10. But she didn’t catch much of DIY SOS.
Boris Johnson is leader of the Tories. No surprise and I expect there will be a honeymoon period with the Tories becoming more popular and the Brexit Party becoming more unpopular. We will see. My thoughts are that we heading down a dead end and the only way through will be by a general election. And even that might not clarify matters much and we might have another minority government.
Wednesday 24 July;
A day in the office. I’m quite enjoying coming home to see my mum at lunchtime. When she eats she is completely focused and it’s the only time we can have a conversation with each other. She loves her food. A late meeting that got later because the client dilly dallied before coming home. I hope my words had a positive effect because the next time it might be a man in a pointy hat talking to her instead.
Dinner was a bit later than usual, we were joined by Bea who my mum said was ‘guzel’. She helped peel the carrots and chop the aubergine in the preparation. My mum that is. I later offered her Turkish delight and I turned my back and heard laughter. She had hidden it inside a hat. Whether she was being polite by accepting one or not I don’t know. The other day I spent a while searching for my glasses. I wear them, Penny wears them, Arzu wears them too as well as Zalihe, my mum, who answers to Sally. They were eventually found in a case that belonged to someone else. I’d been warned she ‘tidies’ things, including keys.
Chris Grayling has been sacked. The best political news all day.
Thursday 25 July;
A hot day and then lightning on the way home from a bit of shopping.
At 10 am a visit by an occupational therapist, she stayed about 90 minutes and will be supporting us with the provision of some equipment. I liked her a lot and she will be back next week to see how my mum manages with the equipment.
Then a bloke turned up to install the stairlift, joined by a colleague after a few hours. I felt sorry for them working out in the sun on the hottest day of the year. I provided them with water melon, lollies and refilled their water bottles. The stair lift needs a few tweaks to work perfectly. I will speak to the occupational therapist about that when she returns.
I made lentil soup and then molehiya and then we went out shopping and tried out the stair lift. And then returned in the rain.
Jafer has been around on and off during the day. A delivery of a cable to connect the PC to the telly has been made but not to me. Annoying to pay £20 for something and then go through a process to try and either get your money back or the goods you paid for.
It’s just gone 11 pm and my mum has had a good day, mostly. She can get locked into upsetting thoughts and then repeat them. You have to intervene and steer the subject onto happier memories. Her staying power is amazing. Penny and Jafer have gone to sleep and she’s chatting away to Arzu in the lounge and to me until I broke away to write this. I’m going to suggest she goes to bed. She’s been waking up at 7 am so will be interesting to see if she has a lie in tomorrow.
Friday 26 July;
It’s nearly 1 am so technically it’s already Saturday but have been staying up chatting with Arzu and Penny. It’s been lovely having her round and am pleased she is staying a second week.
My first night without my medication and although it took me a while to get off I woke up at 7.
Although my mum had a late night she got up not long after. Maybe she heard me. Tonight she’s tired and went to bed not long after 9:30 pm and hasn’t woken up once since putting her head down.
A busy day at work trying to make progress. It’s taking me half a day to catch up with events after a day off. This is likely to be the norm now.
Equipment got delivered following OT visit yesterday. I’m impressed how responsive adult social care have been. The stairlift people are coming back on Monday, there have been some issues and they need to provide us with a cover. It is working though.
I have found the first week as a carer busy, but also tremendously rewarding. I love having my mum around. We haven’t lived together since 1985 and I am learning so much about my family history. Speaking Turkish more frequently is helping improve it. I learnt from my mum that none of us in our family is cirkin. I’ve heard this word over years and now I understand it’s meaning. We are all beautiful and not cirkin.
My mum likes telling anecdotes, repeatedly. I don’t count but she will repeat the same anecdote in a half hour period without any variation in the phrasing, the intonation nothing. If I tried to do that I wouldn’t be able to, I’d subconsciously change the wording just a little bit as I wouldn’t be able to remember the sequence of words exactly. It fascinates me how the brain can work.
myusuf2016 